Listening

How we affect others in our lives. What is our responsibility toward others and how we affect their lives. As you live your life with all the agendas that are out there-- God, family, job, friends, children, exercise, diet, organization, personal education, personal growth, relaxation--how do you then keep up with and be fully aware of those around you and how you affect their lives for good. We touch people with our lives daily, hourly whether we are aware or not, sometimes we think we touch and influence others but we have very little influence and we just aren't aware of that either.

I've begun to look at who influences, hurts (unintentionally), changes me ...who I LET influence me for good or for bad, and then I wonder who influences me with out my knowledge.

Then that begs the question--if I'm really in control of my life how do I control those influences that come into my life but also the kind of influence I have in other people's lives.

I've always been told "do unto others as you would have done unto you" a good philosophy to live by generally. Until you ask yourself "do I know whats good for me or what I'd like done unto me if I'm in need a solid reprimand? And when is it the "right" time to "gently" give a stern warning to yourself or others that they are being destructive or harmful? It seems to be a job for someone more powerful, knowledgeable than I for the most part. But even as I say that I can hear myself saying "what a wimp, what a lazy way of looking at things" I'm can be responsible for and be aware of others needs without being Herculean.

I'm at a point in my life where the "agendas" have lessened, no husband, grown children who have their own life, pretty solid job, dependence on God (a job that is never complete, huh?) so now I wonder about others and their walk on terra firma, how is it for them and what can I do to help others who can't, don't or aren't aware that there is help out there. That there is someone else out there who is knows about hurt and wants it to be different for others.

So what brought about these thoughts?
A book of course, a powerful book for teens, who don't think about the influences they have on others and the power they have to influence others.

13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher--a pretty powerful book about influences and how we react to those seemingly small influences that affects us in different ways. A book about not giving up on yourself or others--that people can change, can weather hurts that we all sustain with help if we will only cry out for help and someone is willing to listen.

I wanna be a listener.

Always learning...

Spending the day learning Adobe Premiere and Photoshop is a bit frustrating. There are so many gadgets...so many ways to change, customize, transition, crop, edit, its a bit confusing. Program crashes, editing mistakes, lost media, inappropriate sounds and title placements and adding too many different transitions to one project.

Maybe life is a bit like that too. There are some many options in life. Faulty transitions, program crashes, and those ever present "reconfiguring scenes to make things look just right" that makes life a journey to ponder.

Maybe it isn't about making life's scenes "just right" maybe it's more about enjoying what you have, helping others with their "programs."

Or maybe I'm just stretching this analogy too far. :)

Are you who you want to be?

Being pushed off a precipice makes one look carefully at where one is going to land.

When the tears dried and the anger stopped I looked carefully....it wasn't the massive cliff I thought it at first looked to be. It was merely a jumping off point, and I wasn't being pushed I was actually being lead to it and slowly being asked to trust and jump...for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful to the man I thought was pushing me off. With a kiss and a hug I send my soon to be ex husband a fond farewell with much gratitude for bringing me to this point in my life...a way to look carefully and reevaluate. Reevaluating with writing seemed to get me through my life before...I'm just getting back to who I used to be.

I sincerely thank (we'll call him Mr. Black) my ex for the many times I changed course in my life...he was a big driving force for me for many years...I let him be that force..all in all it turned out good. When I felt lonely I went back to school and got my degrees. When my marriage wasn't working I became more introspective..to find what was wrong with me and with us. I reevaluated what it meant to be in a relationship (I'm still learning). When he went for extended periods of time to another city to work I learned what it meant to be an only parent (though I was only a part time single parent)...it's unbelievably hard..hats off to single parents. When he told me he cheated I learned there is truly no one you can trust but God, the unthinkable can happen, and it's not as devastating as you might think. And when he was adamant that we get a divorce I searched harder for God and the ways I have "cheated" on and "left" Him.

I like the idea of a theme for this blog: Gratitude and Growth. I'll document the things and people I am grateful to and the growth I have promised myself I will find. I will owe who I will become to me and God. God will be my driving force now, my new "Husband." I'll keep asking myself...am I who I want to be?