Always learning...

Spending the day learning Adobe Premiere and Photoshop is a bit frustrating. There are so many gadgets...so many ways to change, customize, transition, crop, edit, its a bit confusing. Program crashes, editing mistakes, lost media, inappropriate sounds and title placements and adding too many different transitions to one project.

Maybe life is a bit like that too. There are some many options in life. Faulty transitions, program crashes, and those ever present "reconfiguring scenes to make things look just right" that makes life a journey to ponder.

Maybe it isn't about making life's scenes "just right" maybe it's more about enjoying what you have, helping others with their "programs."

Or maybe I'm just stretching this analogy too far. :)

Are you who you want to be?

Being pushed off a precipice makes one look carefully at where one is going to land.

When the tears dried and the anger stopped I looked carefully....it wasn't the massive cliff I thought it at first looked to be. It was merely a jumping off point, and I wasn't being pushed I was actually being lead to it and slowly being asked to trust and jump...for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful to the man I thought was pushing me off. With a kiss and a hug I send my soon to be ex husband a fond farewell with much gratitude for bringing me to this point in my life...a way to look carefully and reevaluate. Reevaluating with writing seemed to get me through my life before...I'm just getting back to who I used to be.

I sincerely thank (we'll call him Mr. Black) my ex for the many times I changed course in my life...he was a big driving force for me for many years...I let him be that force..all in all it turned out good. When I felt lonely I went back to school and got my degrees. When my marriage wasn't working I became more introspective..to find what was wrong with me and with us. I reevaluated what it meant to be in a relationship (I'm still learning). When he went for extended periods of time to another city to work I learned what it meant to be an only parent (though I was only a part time single parent)...it's unbelievably hard..hats off to single parents. When he told me he cheated I learned there is truly no one you can trust but God, the unthinkable can happen, and it's not as devastating as you might think. And when he was adamant that we get a divorce I searched harder for God and the ways I have "cheated" on and "left" Him.

I like the idea of a theme for this blog: Gratitude and Growth. I'll document the things and people I am grateful to and the growth I have promised myself I will find. I will owe who I will become to me and God. God will be my driving force now, my new "Husband." I'll keep asking myself...am I who I want to be?